We watched the entire DVD from our Sacramento show this weekend and I really have mixed emotions about it. I think our overall performance was great and the crowd seemed to enjoy our show but I'm super critical of myself.
MYSELF. The self that chose to wear THAT shirt with THAT skirt and should have opted for boots instead of heels and wow when I bend like that it looks like I have a horrible beer gut. Yeah, these are the thoughts that run through my head when I watch the videos of myself on stage.
Unfortunately I'm not petite, I'm not thin. I've battled with my weight since high school and being on stage or on the ever judgemental internet makes it that much harder.
It's especially harder on my esteem when I compare myself to other female musicians in videos, photos, etc. Most women in bands range from 5'2" to 5'4" (I researched it here.) There are some on that list that are my height of 5'8" or taller like the amazingly hot Corey Park's who's 6'3" but overall these women are way smaller than me and probably have stylists and more time to work out than I do.
After having Hayden I made a huge effort for the first time to lose weight. I ended up losing about 25 pounds which brought me to the thinnest I had been since eighth grade but it's been 5 years now and I still need some work.
I need a trainer, a stylist and more time but my first step was cutting down the amount of beer I drank and since the beginning of December already loss about 8 pounds. My next step is to work out more. I bought an elliptical off Craigslist last year and need to step up to at least 3 days a week.
I've had to learn more about self-love this last year as well which has helped a little on my esteem. I take tidbits from the net like 100 ways to start loving yourself right now from Gala Darling and Natural ways to treat anxiety and depression from Evolution You. I have also been diving into many self help, inspirational books like Feel Good Naked: 10 No-Diet Secrets to a Fabulous Body and The Love Response.
My self image is a really personal issue that I have battled with since high school and hope this year to make a big change towards the positive. If you have any advice, tips, recommendations please share