Me time

Mothers get just 17 minutes of 'me time' according to The Daily Mail.
Lately with my husband and I commuting together, band practice twice a week and catching up on chores on the weekends I haven't gotten any true ME TIME in weeks.  I really feel that as soon as you decide to be a mom you give up the "me time" mentality. Yes being a mom is work most of the time but it's work I appreciate.

I am blessed with at least an hour each weekend morning when my husband makes breakfast and my son is playing with his toys. I drink my coffee and watch my dvr'd shows but both my boys are in the same area as me and most shows are interrupted with "Can I have a glass of milk?" "Can you help me build this super amazing batman house that the joker and the green ninja will try to destroy ten minutes after we finish it?" or "I forgot to buy eggs can you run to the store? We also need twenty more things here's a list."

Often I am asked how I juggle a full time career, being a mom, being a wife and being in a band. Career, Mom, Wife, Singer those are just four words but there are millions more that define them. So many of us these days are much more than just a mom. We live in an age of consistent multi-tasking.
I owe a lot of my juggling ability to my husband. We are definite partners. He takes on his own responsibilities of having a career, being a father, being a husband and a drummer. We aide each other when it's needed. We lean on each other when we are tired or stressed or overwhelmed.
We also appreciate each other, like a lot.

I am lucky that I have an amazing partner, who when he reads this will definitely suggest I take some me time when ever I need it.
Some women are single moms and don't have someone else to aide the juggling.
I have a coworker who has twin four year old girls and is a single mom. She shows up to work every day clothed, with fresh hair and make-up, and does her job without falling asleep or apart. This is much more work than what I juggle and I commend her for her ability.
I asked her when the last time was that she had "Me time" and she answered September of 2013.
So yeah, things aren't bad in my life.

Bubbles and girlfriends.

When I was in fifth grade and read the Babysitters' Club books I had always wanted a group of girlfriends that I could know forever and tell anything to. I moved around a lot. Went to five different elementary schools, two different junior highs and three different high schools.


Keeping friends when moving so much is super difficult.

In my early twenties most of my girlfriends were significant others of my guy friends. I planned girls night and hung out with them at parties or shows.


A couple of them have stuck with me as good friends the rest kind of faded away. It happens often with age, kids, and jobs. We get wrapped up our little self bubbles and lose contact or connection with those who aren't in them any longer.


Relationships with girls as friends can sometimes be as tumultuous as relationships with boys as boyfriends.


Sometimes friends hurt you. Sometimes they disrespect you and you stop talking for a while then forget why you were mad in the first place.


Sometimes they act weird around your husband/boyfriend throw themselves at him, or treat them as if they are their husband/boyfriend then talk shit about you behind your back and you have to just stop being friends all together.


Then sometimes they blow up at you when you're trying to be supportive and positive for them through a hard time in their life, treat you like a horrible person and then block your ass on facebook and not respond to any emails and then four years later start writing mean comments anonymously on your blog.

Last May I wrote about how I felt I didn't have many girlfriends any longer. Mostly because of that self bubble I put myself in.


Exactly a year later my sentiments are the opposite. I have a great group of girlfriends. NO DRAMA girlfriends at that and I feel like I could tell them anything and depend on them if I need to. We have a great time together and I love all of them. Some of them are moms, some are married, some are my super hot single friends, but most of all they're in my bubble.

GREEK: My guilt obsession and a hilarious Sorority sister after my own heart

I didn't go to college. Honestly being in a band for ten plus years has been similar to what I think being in college is like.
At first it was all party, practice, party, practice and shows. Then after a few years, we declared our major by getting serious in recording, show booking, getting some recognition with an award, great reviews and decent merch. Then for the last few years we've been in graduate school continuing to record, getting better shows, better merch and occasionally traveling for shows. We get paid a little to keep us a afloat and we've gained a reputation. So pretty soon .bipolar. will have earned a masters degree in being an unsigned band.

My point to this observation of collegian comparison is that I'm not-so-secretly obsessed with the show Greek. It's on Netflix and I'm watching all of the episodes for the second time.
I suggest if you have a penchant for college age comedy that you check it out. Here's a clip of some of the funny stuff from my favorite character Cappie.



If I had been in college I'm sure I wouldn't have been in a sorority but I'm equally as sure that I WOULD have attended some Frat parties.

Totally random note on the topic of college and sororities: I ran across this letter from a Sorority sister addressing her fellow sisters. Warning: it's full of cuss words and is definitely hilarious, ie: CUNT PUNT.
She then was asked by her sorority leaders to resign. I want to find her and recruit her to my secret metal loving, no bullshit taking, no patience for retarded people, skull wearing, too-old-for-college sorority LIKE. NOW.

OH and then I found THIS: Which makes it THAT.MUCH.BETTER

Productivity

On Monday a coworker/ fellow blogger and I attended the New Media Expo. We only had exhibit hall passes which unfortunately excluded us from any of the great classes they had available.
We met some interesting vendors and I found some great opportunity for my little blog here. Almost every vendor I spoke with commented on how cool or unique my blog topics were.

Unlike a lot of the blogs I read on the regular, I don't have a big readership (yet) and I don't really make any revenue off of it. Which is fine, as it's more of an outlet for my writing and ranting about being an unsigned musician than it is a career choice.

I would definitely like to grow my audience... I mean in all aspects of blogging, music, and such. I want to know from you, dear reader, what you like about my blog and what topics you think I should tackle.
Thanks!

Direct is my favorite approach

When I was in high school I used a pseudonymn and an underground zine to express my emotions and angst.    I was taught to be seen not heard and my opinions or emotions didn't matter.
As an adult I became much more direct with expressing myself. In music, writing, here on my blog, and in normal conversation I am direct. I'm honest and I do my best to follow through with my word. I know what I want, I know how to get what I want and I speak my mind.
Sometimes this comes across as mean, blunt, or abrasive. But my intentions are not to be mean. Just because I'm direct doesn't mean I'm not emotional. I get hurt, I get sad, I get fearful of the reactions of others and I get melancholy just like every one else.
But I've found the best way to get somewhere is head first. It worked for me when I was unhappy with my job a year and a half ago. I spoke with my boss and told her that the position I had been shuffled into wasn't my bag and that I wanted more. When a better position opened up she recommended me for it and now in that position I again spoke with my boss about what I wanted and how I could better the department by doing it and now I have what I asked for.
I don't beat around the bush mostly cause I don't want anyone to be confused with what I'm expressing.

I came across this post Always Be Direct (with love). Which has been (partially) my manifesto for years.
Sometimes the "LOVE" part is difficult. Even though I feel the good intentions doesn't mean my mouth or my body language express that. Poor Brian has been the brunt of these occasions.
Good friends will sometimes ask me for advice because of my head-first-ness but sometimes the best advice is the advice you don't want to hear. And I don't claim that my advice is the best but you know, you asked for it.

If you constantly candy coat stuff or beat around the bush no one will know what you want, expect or need. No one is a mind reader, well at least no one I know.

I am self taught

I didn't go to college. No university, no community college, no online college.
I used to blame my parents. I had been accepted to five colleges by the time I graduated high school. Not one of my four parents seemed to care enough to take the time to help me forge a path to higher education. In high school, college was my ultimate goal. I worked hard, got good grades, took university prep classes. I got the big letters of acceptance, but unlike the teen movies no one watched over my shoulder with excitement, helped me rip open the letters and shouted in glee with me. I opened them up alone and wondered how I could fly to the campuses for tours and meetings and register if no one else cared..
One of the colleges offered me a half scholarship and sent me plane tickets to fly to California to meet with the admissions director as well as the choir professor. For weeks my dad said he would go with me. Then one day he said he wouldn't, he wouldn't take the time off work and he forbid me to go alone.
I was devastated. That was a catalyst for months of living hell with him and his wife (his ex-wife now) that eventually ended in violence and me being homeless at 18. While working and trying my damnedest to find a home, I applied for community college but couldn't afford the cost.

About seven months later I ended up at my grandmother's house in Northern California. I had planned to go to community college there as well, then ended up working at the newspaper. Within a few months I had a full time job as a graphic designer. I taught myself how to be a graphic designer. I learned all the programs hands on.
It's been 13 years, and even though I never got a college degree I have a career 13 years deep and an extensive portfolio. I also have NO student loans looming over my head. As far as the college parties, I replaced that life experience with the band, and it's still going.

The idea of college comes up all the time. At this point I don't know what I would want to study besides the obvious literature that I love. I truly believe this path wouldn't have led me here if anything else would have happened differently.

Coffee Talk: Feminism, Immaturity Trending, and A Bad Woman Rapper

I dove head first into some blogs today that discussed a few different topics I felt the need to share here:

+ I believe that everyone has the right to wear their personality proud and we all have certain bits of our childhood we've held on to as adults. For instance, I love me some video games. But this article from Julie Klausner discusses the latest trend of immaturity amongst women. I feel that it's a study in bashing women for being themselves instead of an educated rant about the trend. I mean really we all know these types of women, and we all know MOST of them are 100% into kittens, cherry chapstick, and bright pink tutus. Some of them ARE this trend and some of them are just trying to be trendy. More educated is this rant on The Daily Beast by Tricia Romano which addresses the new websites aimed at women being more girly than womanly. I'm not a fluffy kitty, Mickey Mouse ears, pink loving kind of chick, but the sites I read and the magazines I see are all full of that trend.

When I started my blog I was looking for sites that discussed women with bands and kids and didn't find one. NOT ONE. Where's a blog that I can RELATE with? I read blogs of all topics, right now I'm drowning in pregnancies (or new babies), weddings, and fashion in the circle of blogs I read, but there isn't one I can find that covers juggling motherhood, marriage and being a musician. If you know of any send them my way!

+ This article from The Crunk Feminist Collective discusses this artist (who before this article I hadn't heard of) Kreayshawn who is apparently blowing up all over. Not only is she NOT rapping she's NOT talented and looks like a production some wanna-be hip hop producer threw together to attract the hipster/dupstep kids. Not only is she demeaning and objectifying black women she's a poor example of a white woman rapper as seen in this video.

And as I said in the above paragraph "I believe that everyone has the right to wear their personality proud" but is this really her personality or is this a gimmick to make dough?