In The Moment: TiLT

Source:honestfare.com

1. On Monday I started a 30 day challenge of having one green smoothie a day. Motivated by simplegreensmoothies.com I have found a lot of great recipes that are hassle free and super yummy. My smoothie today was a variation of the Pumpkin Spice smoothie with apple instead of banana.

2. I also started taking Forskolin to aide in circulation and thyroid issues I've been having as of late.

3. My son is now a 3rd grader. He's so smart and growing so fast my heart aches.

4. My wonderful husband is working a new job that is great but kicking his butt with twelve hour days and six day work weeks. This is the hardest job he's had in the almost fifteen years we've been together. I am so proud of him, but I miss him a lot now.

5. Our beautiful new house is amazing. We had a great house-warming party last weekend with our wonderful friends. My best friends Petrina and Erin made a hashtag for our dog Barley's balls which they felt were more prominent than usual. And they ARE referring to the balls you're thinking of.

6. Dany dog is getting huge and is a trouble maker for sure.

7. My band is playing the House of Blues on Saturday as the freaking headliner. I am beyond stoked and just a little nervous.

No longer hating cardboard boxes...

There was a time when cardboard boxes frightened me. 

Not in an odd fear having type of way but in a way where I knew if my parents brought home cardboard boxes my life was about to be uprooted again.
By the time I was eight (my sons current age) I had moved at least four times that I am aware of.
By eighteen that number was up to twenty.
Different rooms, different schools, different friends every time. Never longer than three years sometimes as short as three months.

I've heard some people say "Kids are resilient. They become better adults by having those experiences." Which I say is bullshit. 
Most adults like me have a hard time making and keeping friends due to the social issues associated with constantly being thrown into situations as the new kid.
While I understand that some families don't have the luxury of staying put due to the type of jobs they have the parents of children in these situations need to be much more sympathetic to their kid's feelings and communication.

Since becoming a mom I have wanted more for my son than the constant upheaval of a moving lifestyle. This weekend we moved for the third time in eight years. The first was from Sacramento to Las Vegas for a fresh start after the economy drop kicked our butts in 2008. The second was because of an awful landlord foreclosing and then short selling the house out from underneath us while on a lease and this last one was for a bigger, better house with a pool.

While planning our move we discussed everything openly with our son. He got his feedback on the houses we looked at. We let him make the decision of switching schools or staying at his current one. We also let him upgrade his new bedroom with a few items he'd been wanting for a while.

We're all enjoying the new house and having our first pool. But most importantly Hayden loves it and has been raving about it every chance he gets. He enjoyed the move and will hopefully never hate cardboard boxes like I did.

Our trip to Big Bear, Ca

We needed a break from the grind. A refreshing visit to nature far from the neon lights, draining work days, and flashing electronic screens.
I planned a trip to Big Bear Lake. A short three and a half hour drive away from our bustling city, away from our jobs, our band, our television and computers.
We got in late Friday evening and didn't really get to see more than the cabin we were staying in. However bright and early Saturday morning we woke to the wonderful scent of pine trees and this view.

We brought the dogs along with us.  This being the longest road trip either had been on they were pleasantly surprised when they saw the view as well.

We took the dogs to the lake where they reveled in the beautiful waters and garnered attention from all who watched. 

After the lake time we headed to some stables to go horseback riding. Hayden had told me prior to the planning that he wanted to try a new adventure and do something he had never done before.

He was nervous at first with the horse being much larger in person than he imagined. However once on the horse and riding steady he enjoyed it. 

After our ride we drove back to the cabin and relaxed for the rest of the night.
The drive home on Sunday was also beautiful and relaxing. The kids all chilled in the back resting together.

It was a grand adventure and we all had a great time away from the grind.

The $400 Lesson

About 13 years ago we met this group of guys in a band that were immensely talented and right out of high school.  We quickly became friends and hung out quite a bit. They even played mine and Brian's joint bachelor/bachelorette party.
One of the guys was Shaun. He was a super talented guitar player, hilarious smart ass, and after a while was like a brother to Brian and I. He moved in with us as a roommate and we had a blast together.
He moved out for about eight months and moved back in while I was nine months pregnant with Hayden.
Right after I had the boy and was getting used to taking care of a new baby Shaun had moved his girlfriend into his room without talking to us, and they were causing HUGE messes and not cleaning up after themselves. Also, Shaun starting taking pills. His attitude and his respect for everyone completely changed with the pills; a lot of back stabbing, disrespect and lying. We tried to talk to him about everything but he didn't give a crap what we thought and conversations turned to arguments and he moved out.
Our bands still played shows together occasionally over the next few months but not without him making rude remarks and being a real dick to us. Soon thereafter we heard that his girlfriend broke up him, he was kicked out of his band and he got fired from his job.

Lets fast forward now to two weeks ago.  We hadn't seen Shaun in eight years. He had reached out last year via phone and facebook telling us he had been through some shit and wanted to come visit us in Vegas soon but he didn't follow up with it. But two weeks ago he reached out to me via facebook and said he was about to be homeless and needed some help. I immediately offered to get him a bus ticket and get him here. It took him two extra days due to him having issues like "having a seizure while getting off the bus and hurting his knee causing the driver to make him go to the hospital" and "not being able to get on the second bus because thats same bus driver had reported him to security."

So as soon as he got here we hugged and listened to his stories of all this bad shit and crap luck he had. Most of it seemed like he had some moments of bad judgement and had a few bad friends that had attributed to the issues. He also seemed really appreciative of the time he had lived with us before and had missed that over the last eight years.
We had a friend that could get him a job right away and we started the process he needed to get an id.  But for a week he sat around the house not wanting to work, not wanting to go anywhere with us or get the paperwork done to finish the process. He also didn't shower, brush his teeth and drank all the alcohol we had in our freezer.
Sunday we had our son's birthday party. When we returned Shaun was belligerent drunk. He went upstairs to his room and we heard him fall or drop something super heavy. We tried to check on him fearing he had a "seizure" which he had claimed to have often. He didn't have a seizure but had made the room a mess and couldn't even stand up.
The next day when I got home from work I tried to talk to him and asked out of respect for us trying to help him that he get off his ass, stop getting belligerent drunk, and start helping himself.
That night at like 9pm we heard a huge crash from his room. When Brian checked on him he  was drunk again, had taken a bunch of advil pm and had thrashed the room even further completely destroying a whole bookcase with stuff from our wedding on it. He also thrashed our bathroom.
Brian had reached his breaking point and told him he was done here and that we would be taking him back to the bus station in the morning.
So at 7:45am the next morning I gave him $200 and dropped him off at the bus station.

So my $400 lesson= Never helping out a former friend again. 
-$150 for the bus ticket here from Washington
-$50 for his rushed birth certificate (charged but he never completed the process so I paid for nothing)
-$200 for him to leave our house.

We figured out after he was gone that he had been drinking rubbing alcohol on top of regular alcohol. He left some pretty gnarly dirty clothes stashed in our guest room, thrashed the room, and lied to us about a lot of stuff.
He's not the first friend we tried to help that took advantage and let us down but he is the last.

Truly out in the desert

 Our definition of family has changed a lot in the almost fifteen years Brian and I have been together. 

When we first met I was close to my grandma, uncles, and aunts and young cousins. Brian spoke to his family quite often on the phone but hadn't seen them in years. When we moved in together we didn't really see our families all that often but then they all (mostly) came out for our wedding.

Once we had our son we got a little closer to our family and I tried to get us out to see Brian's at least every year for 4 years straight on top of making efforts to see my mom and stepdad as often as possible. My father and I have had a rocky relationship and sometimes we're close and sometimes we're not. He has got to spend the most time with our son but will soon be away.

Currently we are far from most of our family. My mom and stepdad live in Florida, my dad is close here in Las Vegas but is moving back to California soon, Brian's family is all in Washington and the rest are pretty distant.

Our son doesn't have the traditional sense of family. He isn't close to cousins or aunts and uncles. He doesn't get to see his grandparents as often as he should. I worry at times about this distance from family and the effect it will have on him especially as an only child. Both Brian and I wanted more for him than the distance we had.

Our family has been reformed to include our closest friends. Unlike family; friends come and go. Some stick around through the ups and downs of life, some are fair weather friends. Babysitters also come and go. Currently my 17 year old brother watches our son on show nights or nights out and he is the closest family member Hayden has. They get along great and I believe they mutually enjoy hanging out. But my brother will be gone next month living in California.
I'm a little heart broken that the bond will be broken and am starting to feel like we are truly out in the desert on our own.

Don't take your crazy family for granted no matter what your definition is.

Co-Habitation Anniversary

Yesterday marked 14 years of Brian and I living together. We moved into a cute 2 bedroom apartment in Downtown Sacramento on February 13, 2000.

We had been dating for about four months when we packed up a uhaul with hand me down furniture, hopes, and dreams.
We lived in that little 2 bedroom apartment for three years. Looking back at all our memories there it feels like those three years were a big party with lots of friends, laughter, cases of beer, and too many bruises from drunkenly stumbling up or down the cement stairs to the apartment door.

 Here's a couple photos from our time in the apartment. 

This was us last night enjoying Queens of the Stone Age. 

Our home now is still full of friends, laughter, but less stumbling and more mature domestication like dinner parties, white russians and rock band.

Me time

Mothers get just 17 minutes of 'me time' according to The Daily Mail.
Lately with my husband and I commuting together, band practice twice a week and catching up on chores on the weekends I haven't gotten any true ME TIME in weeks.  I really feel that as soon as you decide to be a mom you give up the "me time" mentality. Yes being a mom is work most of the time but it's work I appreciate.

I am blessed with at least an hour each weekend morning when my husband makes breakfast and my son is playing with his toys. I drink my coffee and watch my dvr'd shows but both my boys are in the same area as me and most shows are interrupted with "Can I have a glass of milk?" "Can you help me build this super amazing batman house that the joker and the green ninja will try to destroy ten minutes after we finish it?" or "I forgot to buy eggs can you run to the store? We also need twenty more things here's a list."

Often I am asked how I juggle a full time career, being a mom, being a wife and being in a band. Career, Mom, Wife, Singer those are just four words but there are millions more that define them. So many of us these days are much more than just a mom. We live in an age of consistent multi-tasking.
I owe a lot of my juggling ability to my husband. We are definite partners. He takes on his own responsibilities of having a career, being a father, being a husband and a drummer. We aide each other when it's needed. We lean on each other when we are tired or stressed or overwhelmed.
We also appreciate each other, like a lot.

I am lucky that I have an amazing partner, who when he reads this will definitely suggest I take some me time when ever I need it.
Some women are single moms and don't have someone else to aide the juggling.
I have a coworker who has twin four year old girls and is a single mom. She shows up to work every day clothed, with fresh hair and make-up, and does her job without falling asleep or apart. This is much more work than what I juggle and I commend her for her ability.
I asked her when the last time was that she had "Me time" and she answered September of 2013.
So yeah, things aren't bad in my life.

New Day

A couple weeks ago Brian's usually reliable truck decided it was done.
D.O.N.E! 250,000 miles and the Tacoma had enough.
This of course right before our scheduled trip to Los Angeles for our show and NAMM.
And also of course during the week he had job interviews set up.

But now it's a new day, and a new year according to the Chinese. A brand new engine came on Friday and Brian started a brand new job last Monday.
Today we throw a year of ups and downs behind us and look forward to some ups and ups.

Even our little man is super positive and always reminds us that "EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!"

What I learned in 2013

Every year around this time I like to look back on what I learned in the past 365 days. Here's 2012's and 2011's lessons in review.

2013 has been a roller coaster year. A lot of ups and downs in our adventures.

January 2013. 

We learned that eventually the picky-ness displayed by our little man will end. Well, hopefully.

We made a list of foods Hayden would promise to try. Of these five  1. Bacon 2. Chicken Noodle Soup 

3. Scrambled Eggs 4. Rice 5. Spaghetti he's tried three but he did add more to the list and has broaden his palette. 

Here he is trying #1 on the list, almighty BACON.

We also got to attend NAMM again. We learned there that  Art Alexakis of Everclear thinks he knows Brian, Fieldy from Korn can be a douche and Hayden loves road trips.

February 2013

We learned Brian says hilarious things on anesthesia when he needs to have eight teeth removed, on Valentines Day. He was out of it and wrote me a note while out of it saying he now knows the secret to his life is taking care of me and his son. Which was super sweet and hilarious when he couldn't say it and drooled all over himself trying. 

I also learned that for once in my life I have a really awesome group of girlfriends who I love so much and who like to grab my boobs. 

March 2013

We were planning a trip to Florida to visit my Mom and Stepdad at the end of the month, however I learned that bad things happen even when you have a vacation planned. My maternal grandfather passed away and my mom had to tend to the details with her family in Northern California. We instead headed to Southern California for a weekend trip and had some fun with our good friends who then moved to Vegas the following week. I also learned that despite thirteen years of struggling with holidays, birthdays and the gift buying that those entail my husband finally learned how to rock it when he bought me a surprise spa day for my birthday. 

April 2013

In April we dealt with the loss of a fellow musician when Che Cheng slipped away. It was hard news but little did we know how much harder the next month would be.

May 2013

In May we learned that a new floor can do wonders for a kitchen. We learned that Mother's Day should not be taken lightly and you should make your trip to see someone sooner rather than later.
Brian's mother passed away on May 20th after years of battling with cancer. He was on the phone with his sister when it happened. We are still effected by it every day. The trip to Washington to be with his family and attend the memorial was a hard one in many ways. We miss her and think about her often.  

June 2013

In June we played a great show at LVCS with Fear Factory then a weird show at the Roxy in Hollywood where I scared a bunch of kids expecting us to sound like Paramore. I learned that my Land Rover was a good car, but when the transmission broke I bought a newer car. I love my Rav4. The highlight was that Hayden made the honor roll for his last semester of first grade.

July 2013

In July we were nominated for a Vegas Rocks Magazine award. We learned that we really do have a 2 year curse with guitar players. We celebrated Hayden's 7th Birthday and we celebrated Brian's birthday as well.

August 2013

In August we announced our new guitar player Brian Jackson. We played an awesome show with Hemlock which was Rob's last show with us. 

We learned that Florida is super hot and humid in August.

We had a great vacation and visited my mom and stepdad.

We attended the Vegas Rocks music awards and learned that we were definitely in the wrong category, but the experience was fun and we felt like stars. While everyone else was getting eye raped by Miley Cyrus, we were enjoying ourselves at the Hard Rock. 

Then Hayden started SECOND GRADE!!

September 2013

In September we took some awesome new band photos with Radiant Inc. We played a great show with some friends at the Dive Bar. We also celebrated our fifth year in Las Vegas.

October 2013

In October we learned that helping and giving back to a cause we are really passionate about can make a difference when we helped paint the Huntridge theater. I learned that a little health scare can freak me the f- out and I like my boobs.

Brian and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and 14 years together. We took our first trip to Disneyland to celebrate the anniversary. We learned that Disneyland is super freaking awesome and we will now go broke making many more trips there.  

We played an amazing show at a new favorite club called Backstage Bar and Billards. 

We saw our first ever Slayer show. We celebrated Halloween with our friends and I learned some cute Halloween crafts off pinterest.

November 2013

Our highlight of November was heading to Nor-Cal to play a couple shows in our old stomping ground. It was a great experience reconnecting with old friends and really feeling appreciated for the ten years we've been a band. 

We played four shows that month including another awesome show with Fear Factory at LVCS.  We closed out November with a peaceful Thanksgiving with friends and are very very grateful for all the wonderful adventures.

December 2013

December started out rough with my dear husband getting let go at his job after five years of busting his ass there. We pushed through the wrenches in our gears and managed to have some great times anyhow. 

We attended a great party at Backstage Bar and Billiards and learned that I'm getting too old for weekday parties especially when the band we hoped to see didn't start till after 11pm. 

We played a last minute show at the Whisky A Go Go in Hollywood. Even though some parts were rough the show was a success and we had a way better experience than the trip to LA in June. 

We played an underwhelming show with Nonpoint at the LVCS where I learned that no touring band's tour manager will EVER push us around again. 

This past weekend we took a little family trip to San Diego to see the Raiders play the Chargers. We had such a great time even though our team lost. Hayden and Brian had the best time at the game and my early Christmas gift to them was a great one.

We had a sweet Christmas and look forward to New Years. 

2013 was a great year even though we had some very bittersweet moments and losses. Every day I am grateful for my boys, my amazing friends, my talented band members and the wonderful experiences I have been able to collect. 

I wish the best to you and yours for a great 2014!

Wrenches

I posted last month about how these were the best times of our lives. I gave credit to the positive energy and thoughts that we've been trying our best to keep up. Sometimes fate has a way of saying, "Oh yeah, well take this wrench I just threw at your face and see how positive you handle that."

Well we handled that wrench with the best positive energy we could muster. The wrench was Brian being laid off from his job of five years with no warning.

But things are ok. We have a plan and just need a little time and money to get it going.

In the time being we're living it up and enjoying our times. Its colder here in Vegas now, so cuddling, playing video games, and building Lego masterpieces is how we're spending most of our time.

Thankful...

I am thankful for the fact that I do NOT participate in the madness that is Black Friday. Instead I am sitting at work in the solitude of my quiet cubicle getting shit done.

We had a wonderful little Thanksgiving with our friends. We watched football, old videos from Hayden's second Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I cooked a traditional meal for the five of us.
The videos of Hayden were great. He looked like this back then:

And Now

This year has been a roller coaster for us. Good things, bad things, upside down turns and sudden stops. Such is life. We've survived and we're stronger for it. 

Here's some great advice from Rock N Roll Bride on Happy Marriage.

To Renew or Not to Renew

A while ago Brian and I discussed renewing our vows when we had been together 13 years. That was last year. Needless to say we dropped the ball on that one.
This year he said would be better since we've been married for 10 years in October. At the beginning of the year I was all gung-ho about planning a renewal ceremony and then a couple months ago when Brian's mom passed away I didn't consider it important any longer.
But he brought it up a few days ago and he feels its really important for us and would be a great celebration of our relationship.

So I've started to plan again. I love that pintrest has a ton of resources for stuff like this, and I have found a shit-ton of inspiration there.

Here's a link to my board: http://pinterest.com/domrockstar/renew/

I really had no idea where to start so I went to the same site that helped me 10 years ago when I was planning my wedding. TheKnot. http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/how-to-renew-your-wedding-vows.aspx

What type of Renewal ideas do you have or have witnessed?

Motherhood and Metal

I use the word Metal lightly. I picture air quotes every time I use it in reference to our music.

This is my mental image of "Metal"

We walk a fine line of being too hard and being not hard enough depending on the company.
We often get stereotyped as only liking metal even by our close friends.
Just because we play hard music though, doesn't mean that's all we listen to or like.
Brian and I have pretty eclectic tastes in music. We are able to share new music with each other on the regular.

Music has been an essential part of our lives. We met on our way to a Crystal Method concert. Our first conversations were of bands we liked and cd's we wanted to swap. Then after being together for only five months we ended up in a band together and now our second band is celebrating it's tenth year.

Our son is growing up in a much more musical household than we did. He sings more than he talks. He hears us singing certain songs and will get them stuck in his head all day.

I ran across this awesome interview with Brody Dalle about her view on motherhood and it speaks volumes very similar to my own.

From the same site I found this article called Music Of Motherhood.

One of my favorite lines
"Facing the motherhood music means looking at ourselves honestly and openly, and embracing, exploring, and navigating the wide-range of motherhood experiences life casts our way."

My soundtrack is much different from my mother's. I've recently been able to see the lessons and the strengths she taught me that for so long I didn't give her credit for.

Each of us has a different soundtrack defining us but it's in our similarities and sharing of experiences that joins us.

How has being a parent changed you?

Daydream Believer and loss

On Monday May 20th Brian's mother Peggy passed away after a battle with numerous types of Cancer.  Brian was on the phone with his sister talking about the complications she was having that morning when it happened.
He was devastated. She had recently had a heart attack and we had planned on coming up that following Friday to see her.
Hayden really didn't understand and we weren't ready to explain.
We flew in to Washington to be with his family on Wednesday. It was the earliest we could leave.
I tried my best to help with what needed to be done but most was already handled.
Being there with him and his family was the first time I had experienced a loved ones death so closely.

His sister and brother-in-law carried the brunt of the planning and organizing and did a great job.
His father was strong and caring the perfect example of a good father comforting his children in a hard time.
Walking into the house Hayden immediately asked where Grandma was. I had to take him aside and explain as best I could.
"Honey, Daddy's mom, your Grandma passed away and that's why we're here. Everyone is sad and misses her so we need to be extremely good and nice."
His eyes got big and he gave me a hug, "Ok Mommy. I will be super good and hug Daddy a lot."
He was and he did.
As she was struggling with cancer for a while she left behind plans and things she knew would aide her family in the hurt and struggle of losing her. One of those items was a journal.

The service was Saturday at a local LDS church. It was a nice service and full of wonderful memories. Here's the memorial video the family put together.




After the service we all got together on Brian's brother's bus to hang out and talk away our tears.

The day after we wanted to do something different and give his dad some time to rest. We decided to visit Portland.
We headed to the Saturday Market (even though it was Sunday). It was cloudy and rained a little but otherwise the day was peaceful. We browsed through lots of art and crafts. We also stopped to take some goofy pictures.

Then we headed down to Mississippi St. where I found an awesome shop called Flutter. They had the most amazing Rose perfume ever among a bunch of other really cool items.

We then went on a walk through the beautiful neighborhoods and admired all the green beautiful plants we don't get a lot of in Vegas.

It was a well spent day.

We returned to his family and spent a few more hours.  Just like any family gathering it wouldn't be complete without some drama, but thats life.

We spent some good times with his family overall. Hayden had an good time with his cousins and will miss them all so much. Every time he makes a wish it's to see his cousins. "Hey Dad its 1:11 make a wish. I wish to see my cousins and get to play with them a lot." This happens daily.

We got back yesterday but bittersweetly are very glad to be home.

We will dearly miss Peggy.  Our hearts still ache but our minds know she is at rest now.

I've been waking up with random songs in my head (none from the video) and over coffee this morning Brian and I thought they had to be coming from her watching over us somehow. This morning it was Daydream Believer by the Monkees.