The $400 Lesson

About 13 years ago we met this group of guys in a band that were immensely talented and right out of high school.  We quickly became friends and hung out quite a bit. They even played mine and Brian's joint bachelor/bachelorette party.
One of the guys was Shaun. He was a super talented guitar player, hilarious smart ass, and after a while was like a brother to Brian and I. He moved in with us as a roommate and we had a blast together.
He moved out for about eight months and moved back in while I was nine months pregnant with Hayden.
Right after I had the boy and was getting used to taking care of a new baby Shaun had moved his girlfriend into his room without talking to us, and they were causing HUGE messes and not cleaning up after themselves. Also, Shaun starting taking pills. His attitude and his respect for everyone completely changed with the pills; a lot of back stabbing, disrespect and lying. We tried to talk to him about everything but he didn't give a crap what we thought and conversations turned to arguments and he moved out.
Our bands still played shows together occasionally over the next few months but not without him making rude remarks and being a real dick to us. Soon thereafter we heard that his girlfriend broke up him, he was kicked out of his band and he got fired from his job.

Lets fast forward now to two weeks ago.  We hadn't seen Shaun in eight years. He had reached out last year via phone and facebook telling us he had been through some shit and wanted to come visit us in Vegas soon but he didn't follow up with it. But two weeks ago he reached out to me via facebook and said he was about to be homeless and needed some help. I immediately offered to get him a bus ticket and get him here. It took him two extra days due to him having issues like "having a seizure while getting off the bus and hurting his knee causing the driver to make him go to the hospital" and "not being able to get on the second bus because thats same bus driver had reported him to security."

So as soon as he got here we hugged and listened to his stories of all this bad shit and crap luck he had. Most of it seemed like he had some moments of bad judgement and had a few bad friends that had attributed to the issues. He also seemed really appreciative of the time he had lived with us before and had missed that over the last eight years.
We had a friend that could get him a job right away and we started the process he needed to get an id.  But for a week he sat around the house not wanting to work, not wanting to go anywhere with us or get the paperwork done to finish the process. He also didn't shower, brush his teeth and drank all the alcohol we had in our freezer.
Sunday we had our son's birthday party. When we returned Shaun was belligerent drunk. He went upstairs to his room and we heard him fall or drop something super heavy. We tried to check on him fearing he had a "seizure" which he had claimed to have often. He didn't have a seizure but had made the room a mess and couldn't even stand up.
The next day when I got home from work I tried to talk to him and asked out of respect for us trying to help him that he get off his ass, stop getting belligerent drunk, and start helping himself.
That night at like 9pm we heard a huge crash from his room. When Brian checked on him he  was drunk again, had taken a bunch of advil pm and had thrashed the room even further completely destroying a whole bookcase with stuff from our wedding on it. He also thrashed our bathroom.
Brian had reached his breaking point and told him he was done here and that we would be taking him back to the bus station in the morning.
So at 7:45am the next morning I gave him $200 and dropped him off at the bus station.

So my $400 lesson= Never helping out a former friend again. 
-$150 for the bus ticket here from Washington
-$50 for his rushed birth certificate (charged but he never completed the process so I paid for nothing)
-$200 for him to leave our house.

We figured out after he was gone that he had been drinking rubbing alcohol on top of regular alcohol. He left some pretty gnarly dirty clothes stashed in our guest room, thrashed the room, and lied to us about a lot of stuff.
He's not the first friend we tried to help that took advantage and let us down but he is the last.

Jealousy is...

Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.- Fulton J. Sheen

Having been a tom boy for most my life I never understood jealousy. As a tom boy I was used to hanging with boys who were direct, less judgmental than girls, and not so much into competition outside of sports. Most people that know me can attest to the fact that I am a person who likes to be accepted for who I am or not at all. I don't like to play games and I don't pretend to be anything I am not.

Most females are brought up looking at other females as competition, who is prettier, who is thinner, who has the best boyfriend/husband, who has the better job, who can eat a shit ton of pizza and not gain a pound, who gets more free drinks at clubs, etc. Which is really just a waste of energy and time. It's not important.

My husband always tells me not to stress over the things I cannot change, with me that stress is wasted on bills, plans, etc. Hardly ever do I waste my time on jealousy. I've tried my best to realize that instead of being jealous over someone's accomplishments I should be positive and work harder to accomplish my own goals.

Not only does this translate into my life of being a woman, but in being a musician as well. We hear of bands we don't care for being signed or getting a break. Instead of wasting time and breath on negativity towards that I welcome it, if they can do it so can I.

I think a lack of jealousy definitely shines through as strong self-confidence. If you're happy with yourself you don't waste your energy being nasty or rude to other people, especially to other females.

I am also not intimidated by other successful women, I love them. I love that they have worked hard to get to where they are and they can probably teach me something awesome.

I mentioned before that these last couple years I have been able to find a great group of other down to earth, kick ass chicks that are my friends. Real friends not nasty jealous fake friends who feel the need to put other people down to make themselves feel good or talk bad about people behind their back.

If you're surrounded by the fake type, then you might be getting sucked into a nasty vortex of jealousy and negativity. Cleanse yourself, get some distance and reevaluate that friendship.

As you get into your late twenties/early thirties I believe you realize that strong positive friendships are far more nurturing.

I can tell you from experience, it's a great thing to wake up in a few months after mourning a broken friendship to realize all it was doing was holding you down.

Don't waste any time on vapid jealousy, it will cover you in a mask of bitter nastiness and you'll come across as insecure and miserable.

What I learned in 2013

Every year around this time I like to look back on what I learned in the past 365 days. Here's 2012's and 2011's lessons in review.

2013 has been a roller coaster year. A lot of ups and downs in our adventures.

January 2013. 

We learned that eventually the picky-ness displayed by our little man will end. Well, hopefully.

We made a list of foods Hayden would promise to try. Of these five  1. Bacon 2. Chicken Noodle Soup 

3. Scrambled Eggs 4. Rice 5. Spaghetti he's tried three but he did add more to the list and has broaden his palette. 

Here he is trying #1 on the list, almighty BACON.

We also got to attend NAMM again. We learned there that  Art Alexakis of Everclear thinks he knows Brian, Fieldy from Korn can be a douche and Hayden loves road trips.

February 2013

We learned Brian says hilarious things on anesthesia when he needs to have eight teeth removed, on Valentines Day. He was out of it and wrote me a note while out of it saying he now knows the secret to his life is taking care of me and his son. Which was super sweet and hilarious when he couldn't say it and drooled all over himself trying. 

I also learned that for once in my life I have a really awesome group of girlfriends who I love so much and who like to grab my boobs. 

March 2013

We were planning a trip to Florida to visit my Mom and Stepdad at the end of the month, however I learned that bad things happen even when you have a vacation planned. My maternal grandfather passed away and my mom had to tend to the details with her family in Northern California. We instead headed to Southern California for a weekend trip and had some fun with our good friends who then moved to Vegas the following week. I also learned that despite thirteen years of struggling with holidays, birthdays and the gift buying that those entail my husband finally learned how to rock it when he bought me a surprise spa day for my birthday. 

April 2013

In April we dealt with the loss of a fellow musician when Che Cheng slipped away. It was hard news but little did we know how much harder the next month would be.

May 2013

In May we learned that a new floor can do wonders for a kitchen. We learned that Mother's Day should not be taken lightly and you should make your trip to see someone sooner rather than later.
Brian's mother passed away on May 20th after years of battling with cancer. He was on the phone with his sister when it happened. We are still effected by it every day. The trip to Washington to be with his family and attend the memorial was a hard one in many ways. We miss her and think about her often.  

June 2013

In June we played a great show at LVCS with Fear Factory then a weird show at the Roxy in Hollywood where I scared a bunch of kids expecting us to sound like Paramore. I learned that my Land Rover was a good car, but when the transmission broke I bought a newer car. I love my Rav4. The highlight was that Hayden made the honor roll for his last semester of first grade.

July 2013

In July we were nominated for a Vegas Rocks Magazine award. We learned that we really do have a 2 year curse with guitar players. We celebrated Hayden's 7th Birthday and we celebrated Brian's birthday as well.

August 2013

In August we announced our new guitar player Brian Jackson. We played an awesome show with Hemlock which was Rob's last show with us. 

We learned that Florida is super hot and humid in August.

We had a great vacation and visited my mom and stepdad.

We attended the Vegas Rocks music awards and learned that we were definitely in the wrong category, but the experience was fun and we felt like stars. While everyone else was getting eye raped by Miley Cyrus, we were enjoying ourselves at the Hard Rock. 

Then Hayden started SECOND GRADE!!

September 2013

In September we took some awesome new band photos with Radiant Inc. We played a great show with some friends at the Dive Bar. We also celebrated our fifth year in Las Vegas.

October 2013

In October we learned that helping and giving back to a cause we are really passionate about can make a difference when we helped paint the Huntridge theater. I learned that a little health scare can freak me the f- out and I like my boobs.

Brian and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and 14 years together. We took our first trip to Disneyland to celebrate the anniversary. We learned that Disneyland is super freaking awesome and we will now go broke making many more trips there.  

We played an amazing show at a new favorite club called Backstage Bar and Billards. 

We saw our first ever Slayer show. We celebrated Halloween with our friends and I learned some cute Halloween crafts off pinterest.

November 2013

Our highlight of November was heading to Nor-Cal to play a couple shows in our old stomping ground. It was a great experience reconnecting with old friends and really feeling appreciated for the ten years we've been a band. 

We played four shows that month including another awesome show with Fear Factory at LVCS.  We closed out November with a peaceful Thanksgiving with friends and are very very grateful for all the wonderful adventures.

December 2013

December started out rough with my dear husband getting let go at his job after five years of busting his ass there. We pushed through the wrenches in our gears and managed to have some great times anyhow. 

We attended a great party at Backstage Bar and Billiards and learned that I'm getting too old for weekday parties especially when the band we hoped to see didn't start till after 11pm. 

We played a last minute show at the Whisky A Go Go in Hollywood. Even though some parts were rough the show was a success and we had a way better experience than the trip to LA in June. 

We played an underwhelming show with Nonpoint at the LVCS where I learned that no touring band's tour manager will EVER push us around again. 

This past weekend we took a little family trip to San Diego to see the Raiders play the Chargers. We had such a great time even though our team lost. Hayden and Brian had the best time at the game and my early Christmas gift to them was a great one.

We had a sweet Christmas and look forward to New Years. 

2013 was a great year even though we had some very bittersweet moments and losses. Every day I am grateful for my boys, my amazing friends, my talented band members and the wonderful experiences I have been able to collect. 

I wish the best to you and yours for a great 2014!

Bubbles and girlfriends.

When I was in fifth grade and read the Babysitters' Club books I had always wanted a group of girlfriends that I could know forever and tell anything to. I moved around a lot. Went to five different elementary schools, two different junior highs and three different high schools.


Keeping friends when moving so much is super difficult.

In my early twenties most of my girlfriends were significant others of my guy friends. I planned girls night and hung out with them at parties or shows.


A couple of them have stuck with me as good friends the rest kind of faded away. It happens often with age, kids, and jobs. We get wrapped up our little self bubbles and lose contact or connection with those who aren't in them any longer.


Relationships with girls as friends can sometimes be as tumultuous as relationships with boys as boyfriends.


Sometimes friends hurt you. Sometimes they disrespect you and you stop talking for a while then forget why you were mad in the first place.


Sometimes they act weird around your husband/boyfriend throw themselves at him, or treat them as if they are their husband/boyfriend then talk shit about you behind your back and you have to just stop being friends all together.


Then sometimes they blow up at you when you're trying to be supportive and positive for them through a hard time in their life, treat you like a horrible person and then block your ass on facebook and not respond to any emails and then four years later start writing mean comments anonymously on your blog.

Last May I wrote about how I felt I didn't have many girlfriends any longer. Mostly because of that self bubble I put myself in.


Exactly a year later my sentiments are the opposite. I have a great group of girlfriends. NO DRAMA girlfriends at that and I feel like I could tell them anything and depend on them if I need to. We have a great time together and I love all of them. Some of them are moms, some are married, some are my super hot single friends, but most of all they're in my bubble.

Rest in Peace- reblog

I posted this on our band site but I wanted to share here as well for those of you not on my facebook and what not.

It's no secret that .bipolar. is heavily influenced by the Deftones. Having formed our band in Sacramento we ran in similar circles and always trailed in the shadow of the most popular band to come out of our scene.

But they cast a big shadow as they were so talented, so hard working, and such nice guys.

Especially Chi Cheng. We ran into him a couple times in our neighborhood and he was always super nice. He had a reputation for being one of the most humble and down to earth people. Almost everyone within the scene in Sacramento has a cool anecdote about meeting or hanging out with Chi. 

Among our personal experiences two stand out the most:

In 2006 the Deftones played a last minute free show at Cesar Chavez park. Brian was hanging out backstage with some friends and he watched Chi's son Gabe collect every broken drumstick that Abe tossed aside.

In 2007 we played a show at the Blue Lamp downtown with Will Haven. Abe and Chi watched our whole set and chatted with us after. All of us were stoked to say the least.

His accident happened the year we moved to Las Vegas. We kept up on his progress through the site. Not a day went by without us thinking about him and hoping for his recovery. 

In 2010 when we attended NAMM we were exhausted heading back to the hotel to sleep when I stepped on a flyer on the sidewalk that had Chi's face on it. I picked it up and it was for a benefit show for him at the Slidebar in Fullerton. Fate wanted us there and who were we to deny fate? We hung out with fellow musicians who all felt as we did about his recovery. It was an experience we were meant to have.

We're deeply saddened by the loss of Chi. He was a huge inspiration and will never be forgotten in our hearts.

Much love to the Cheng family, his Deftones family and everyone else whose heart aches at this time.

Birthdays, Great Friends, Spa Days

I turned 33 on Saturday. It was the best birthday I have ever had. Friday night my guitar player Rob and his girlfriend Claudia treated Hayden and I to dinner. We had Cheesecake Factory and the food was great. When the server asked us if we wanted any desert Hayden said "I want cake..." then he tapped my shoulder slyly with a smirk and whispered "Mom, it's for you."
"Oh, that's ok. I don't need any cake," I said.
"It's my mom's birthday tomorrow, you should bring her something," He exclaimed.
So they brought me a sundae and sang Happy Birthday.
My kid knows how to embarrass me already.

Saturday morning I got my personalized license plates from the DMV finally.

Brian had a special surprise for me planned. He told me to pack up a swim suit and get in the car.

He did so great! He planned a Spa Day for me. I got to relax in a jacuzzi then I was treated to a body scrub/massage and a milk bath. It was amazing!

We then had a party at a bar close to our house that we enjoy a lot called Born and Raised. 

My friends were so great and  we had an amazing time.

Next year's bday will have a hard time comparing to this one.

Girls Night

Friday night I invited a bunch of my girlfriends out to have a good time. There was six of us. Laughter, drinking, dancing, hugging, wonderful "I love you's!" and bonding. Three of us were mothers, four of us were married, all of us strong beautiful women in our 30's. 

Weekend Redux: COLD

I'm not built for the cold. It's 26 degress in Las Vegas right now. Even though I'm typing from the warm safety of my desk, I'm still freezing.
It was cold all weekend, so I spent most my time hiding under a blanket in warm fuzzy pants and thick fuzzy socks.

Saturday evening we had a show. We played with Asesino, featuring Dino from Fear Factory and Tony from Soulfly. We played an awesome set and had a great response from the crowd. We had a lot of fun too. We got to hang with friends, make new friends, and enjoyed ourselves as you can see.

Sometimes

Sometimes people are hurting and never reach out for help. Sometimes you need to take it upon yourself to reach out to your friends and just let them know you're around and you love them.

A person I knew who came to parties, shows, and hung out as a friend took his own life this weekend.

I'm sure his family and closer friends are all asking "why?"  because I know I am.

It hurts my heart to know someone was going through so much pain that they just couldn't handle another day.

My heart goes out to his family and friends.

RIP Mike.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

The Vacation Post

On August 16th we headed up to Portland, OR and Washington to visit our family for 5 days.
It was a beautiful trip and for once I took A LOT of pictures.

My sister-in-law Erin is a Yoga teacher. Her back yard is so serene and beautiful. This first picture is of the trees visible from her back patio.
The puppy face is Dexter their adorable snuggle bug who laid with me early in the morning.
We went to the river to go swimming with Brian's brother and his family. It was beautiful and very cold. Hayden was fearless and jumped right in. We saw fish, tadpoles, and some awesome birds. Being surrounded by the trees and breathing in such pure air was so exhilarating.

On Saturday while Brian got more of his tattoo done by his brother Jason (an amazing tattoo artist)  Erin's husband Shawn took the kids and I to the Portland Saturday Market.  Hayden was being Mr. Poopy Pants (which is what I call him when he's whiny and grumpy) but we made the best of it and had a great day. The market was full of awesome crafts and foods. It was much larger than Vegas' First Friday event.  I bought a few things and treated Hayden to a creamsicle  italian soda which he said was "Horrible and good at the same time, like Soda Ice Cream."
The next day Brian and I got to drive around Portland while Hayden stayed with his cousins. We went to the International Test Rose Gardens. I can't describe in words how wonderful it was there. I am a lover of roses and was in total awe of all the amazing colors, scents, and the beautiful music from a harpist that day.

There was a small little corner garden on the grounds called the Shakespeare Garden. It was lovely and peaceful. Brian had a great time too and found a Royal Rosarian statue to hang with.

We try to go to visit Brian's family at least once a year. For me it's a nice break from our big city in the desert, for Hayden its a great time with his only cousins and getting to play outside, for Brian it's much needed time with his parents and siblings.

We had an awesome time and hope to return soon.

Weekend Redux: Brian's Birthday!

We had an amazing weekend to celebrate Brian's birthday.
On Friday we hung out at our friend Dave's house where Hayden and I chased a black bunny that has been hanging in his backyard. I fed it some broccoli and tried to catch it but it got away from me in a neighbors yard. Hayden thought it was hilarious when Brian told him I was "hunting wabbit."

Saturday was Brian's birthday and I had a special plan for him. We had an awesome breakfast and gave him presents. Then we headed to the movies to see Spiderman.

Hayden wanted to be a part of "whatever this movie is."

We walked around Town Square for a while killing time. Then when we got home a whole slew of our friends were there for a surprise party I had planned with help from our friends Dave, Cody and Chris. 

Cody had a drum cake made for him. We played rock band, drank, ate some great food, and played Celebrity. The party was a blast! 

What I learned in '11

Each year I like to look back and evaluate what I've learned. This year was full of growing, accomplishing, reconciliation, healing, determination and most of all love.

January 2011

We celebrated last New Years in Florida with my mom and stepdad. When we returned we settled in for a couple weeks then headed for our second trip to NAMM. Where we got to learn about a ton of music gear and meet a lot of talented people.

February 2011

I participated in a Community Couture Challenge Fashion show where I made an outfit out of tshirts and candy. My wonderful model Sarah Spraker rocked it and all the proceeds from the show went to the Nevada Children's Heart Foundation. You can read about it here. I learned that I can sew, somewhat at least. 

I was unhappy with my job for months. After weeks of sending out resumes and interviewing  a new position within the company I was already employed opened up. The new job has been great and I learned that if I kept trying I would find the right one. 

March 2011

The highlight of March was throwing myself an 80's Prom Themed Birthday Party. My friends all participated and we had a grand time! Definitely one of the best birthdays I ever had.

April 2011

We were treated to a traditional Russian Easter feast from our friends Chris and Lauren. They made a perogies with mushrooms, vodka soaked prunes, potatoes with cheese and bacon, and sauerkraut. They also made a ham, creamed cucumber salad, kielbasa, and made us take shots of Vodka with a pickle chaser.

It was a good time with friends and good food.

My dad got me an iphone and thus started my obsession with Words with Friends and Stupid Zombies.

May 2011

In May I learned that I needed to work harder on fixing myself. For over a year at this point my relationship/marriage was not in a happy place. 

Things were on the verge of being repaired but the overall state of our marriage was fragile. 

Then a good friend of ours passed away. This friend had given the toast at our wedding. He had known us both prior to us knowing each other and had taught us both a lot, as well as everyone else who had known him. It made me realize that I had lost my previous self in the fog of my stormy marriage and needed more than anything to fix myself no matter what the outcome of my relationship would be. 

I also learned that month that dressing more like a chick for our shows would get me free drinks.

June 2011

I got to watch one of my best friends from high school get married. 

Hayden and I had a date night and we discovered an awesome park just right down the road from our house. I got to see my two favorite bands at the Joint in the Hard Rock ; Deftones & Dillinger Escape Plan and on that night learned that fate sometimes comes when you least expect it. That evening we met Rob, a guy who was parked next to us and would later become our new guitar player. 

July 2011

In July we celebrated Hayden's 5th birthday and Brian's Birthday. It was a month of parties, some good shows, and valuable lessons in real friendships.

We got to see Queens of the Stone Age at the Cosmo pool and had a great time! Our guitar player Dave quit bipolar and we soon after got Rob to replace him.

August 2011

I bought myself a long board and promised to start skating again. I did as much as I could, but should do it much more now that I'm calling myself out. 

We played an awesome show on the Colorado river in Bullhead City, AZ with our pals Shrapnull. My first experience playing a show in my bathing suit.

We got to meet Jason Mewes of Jay and Silent Bob and learned their friendship was helping 

Jason stay sober.

Hayden learned how much getting shots before school sucks, but then how sweet a reward ice cream is after the pain. Hayden started kindergarten at the end of August. It was a hard day for both of us.

September 2011

The highlight of September was camping in Zion National Park. Hayden learned after getting into a routine that school wasn't so bad after all. 

October 2011

October was a great month all around. We got to visit Brian's family in Washington. We got to play an amazing show at the House of Blues inside Mandalay Bay and we had a great Halloween.

November 2011

We had a mellow November. Full of snuggling, cooking, video games and being thankful.

We worked through a lot of our problems during the rough patch and things started to get back to awesome.

December 2011

This month was also full of awesome. We started the month off with a road trip to Sacramento. We hadn't been back in three years and I realized how much I missed California. The road trip was great. Hayden and I were stuck in the back seat of a truck for almost 20 hours and no one got hurt.

The show was AMAZING! We had a great time playing with such talented bands and seeing friends we've missed so much since our move. We got to stay at our good friend Jimmy's house and he let us rock his RV to the show which was pretty sweet and a first for us. We also had an amazing Christmas weekend full of love, fun and friends.

I am excited for the New Year. I have a list of goals, a book of blank pages to fill with love and adventure and a mountain of dreams I would really like to tackle in 2012. 

I'm in a great place right now and 2012 will be my year!

Good friend, Good Rats

A dear friend of mine passed away on Thursday night. Really saying "of mine" sounds so selfish because he was a dear friend to everyone who knew him.
Brian Hamlin worked with me at The Reporter in Vacaville.
Brian touched so many people and we are all forever changed. I pretty much grew up at The Reporter, starting there at 19 and leaving at 28, and Hamlin was a huge part of my life there. I feel so lucky to have had him as part of my Reporter family.
He was my friend from the first day.
He always left the most interesting gifts on my desk, offered up hilarious advice, awkwardly hugged me quite often, supported my band, pushed me write more and gave the signature Hamlin speech at my wedding.
I have 3 watches from him (a signature gesture of his) and a whole office full of funny gifts, Hamlin quote cards, books that smell of Hamlin's cigars and toys.
Brian (my husband) and I both loved Hamlin dearly and wish him the best wherever he is now.
I strive to be as awesome as he was.
Here is a link to the article about him from The Reporter

Community mourns beloved journalist Brian Hamlin